I am Ultimate(with unexpected ending)
by elizabeth
Summary: Who is the ultimate character out of ff6, ff7, and ff8? Let's see who they think...


i am ultimate by elizabeth 

Yuffie's eyes grew large as she poured the black liquid into the mold, "Yes, my pretty!" she cackled as she put the mold in the freezer. 

"Excuse me---" Sephiroth started. 

"Damn, Sephiroth! I thought we killed you off in the game!" Yuffie exclaimed. The rest of the Final Fantasy VII cast suddenly appeared in the same room and acted interested at the appearence of Sephiroth-- and Aeris. 

"Tsk, tsk," Sephiroth began, "Revive is such a useful spell. Too bad someone," Sephiroth turned and pointed to Cloud, "can't seem to cast it properly." 

Cloud's blue eyes turned to slits, "You...," he searched for a word, "...meany!" he blurted out. 

Sephiroth gasped, "WHAT? A meany? Ha-HA! I'm not done here. Aeris-- the materia." 

Aeris walked to the freezer and took out Yuffie's mold, "Uh, Sephiroth. It's just some black liquid." 

"It is," Yuffie agreed, "Look at this orange one!" 

"Only an idiot would buy orange materia," Cloud said, trying to sound intelligent. 

Out of nowhere, the cast of Final Fantasy VIII stormed into the room, "What are they doing--" 

"Cool!" yelled Zell, "Orange materia!" 

"What an idiot," Squall thought. As usual, he kept his true feelings to himself. 

Yet again, out of nowhere, Locke of Final Fantasy VI was also in the room, "Hey, Final Fantasy VII people!" he yelled, "Obviously you didn't get word about the new arrangment. All the earlier Final Fantasies, (I, II, III, IV, and V) are rooming in a mansion, the Game Boy ones and Mystic Quest live in a hut, and the casts of VI, VII, and VIII are rooming in this castle." 

Shadow and Vincent sat in a dark corner discussing secrecy. Mog tried teaching Cait Sith the Forest Suite. Squall and Cloud looked at each other blankly, but they both were really thinking dirty things to say to each other. Terra struck up a conversation with Aeris about rare ancestry. Gau looked at the orb in Yuffie's palm, "Ooooh! Shiny, shiny, shiny! Me Gau, me like shiny!" 

With that Gau snatched the orb from Yuffie's hand and pranced around the now crowded room, "Blast!!" yelled Cyan, "That child steppeth on thine foot!" 

Sephiroth crossed his arms, "Shit," he muttered as Kefka's theme began to play loudly over the intercom. 

Suddenly, Squall ran from the room with a huge burst of emotion. Rinoa followed, "Squally-poo, what's wrongy?" she begged. 

Squall looked at the ground and frowned, "Cloud... Uh, he said something about me in the past tense." **remember in one of the garden's(when irvine joins, i think) where squall gets upset about everyone talking about seifer in past tense. ok, just checking.** 

Rinoa smacked him, "Squall! What's so bad about that! You were, and are, pathetic. I'm gonna go to the movies with Edgar. Now that's what I call a man! Yeah!" 

Shadow looked at Vincent and said flatly, "I dreamt I was a moron." **hehe. now that is a lovely quote squall brought us(on the train in the beginning)** 

Squall smacked himself with a book. "Maybe I could hit on Celes. She's pretty cute." 

Sephiroth silently crawled under the table next to the freezer. He needed the black orb, "Elementary, my dear Wat--" he began, "I don't have a partner... What was I doing. I could have blown my cover. What a stupid thing to say anyway... Shit, shit, shit." 

Red XIII and Interceptor, who both had extremely good hearing, heard something under the table. They both went under the table. Sephiroth attempted to draw his sword. It almost hit the animals and stuck out into the room, narrowly missing Setzer, "A-ha!" Setzer yelled. 

Setzer grabbed the sword blade and Sephiroth with it. Setzer somehow took control of the sword and ordered Sephiroth to his knees, "Mwa-ha-ha!" Setzer laughed, "You, Sephiroth, are merely me, but with a different storyline and a large sword that is now mine. The writers at Square are so lame that they made you a clone of me. You are a clone just like Cloud!" 

"Hey..." Cloud whimpered. 

Sephiroth's emerald eyes met with Setzer's brown ones, "You dispicable fiend... It is a lame coincidence that you are obsessing over. I am ultimate." Sephiroth laughed a vulpine laugh. 

Kefka laughed. Sephiroth laughed. Setzer laughed. Relm giggled, but was shushed by Strago, "Shuddap Pops!" the child screeched. 

"Talk about supreme, HA! I am the supreme dude here!" Kefka announced. 

"Dude?" Sephiroth smiled, "Like a surfer dude?" 

"No, you imbecile. I may be nearly a foot shorter and much weaker, but I'm insane and have a wicked laugh. A pretty good theme song too. Better than yours at least," Kefka declared, "all those voices... Final Fantasy isn't an opera... Unless, of course, you're Celes." 

Celes frowned and kicked Kefka in the nuts, "Ha-ha, you terd!" 

Setzer shrugged and said, "I know how to settle this. Where's Edgar?" 

"HE is at the movies with Quistis, Aeris, Tifa, and... RINOA!!!" Squall sobbed, "Where's Celes?" They ignored the gun-blade weilding baby. 

"He has some luck with the ladies," Sephiroth gawked, "Anyway, a two-sided coin won't help us. We need a three-sided coin for this!' 

Gau grew tired of the orange materia and threw it at Sephiroth, hitting his abdomen. It rekindled his thoughts of "the materia" in the freezer. "Pardon me," Sephiroth said as he left Kefka and Setzer arguing over how to decide who was ultimate. 

Sephiroth flung open the freezer; Orange materia, and lots of it. Sephiroth noticed his sword on the floor and picked it up. He climbed atop the little table beside the freezer, "May I have your attention!" he ordered. 

The room grew quiet and Sephiroth began, "At the beginning of this story, there was some black materia in the freezer. Where the hell is it? I want it, and I want it NOW!!" 

There was much discussion in the room until Irvine began to speak, "We have chosen three suspects in The Case of the Missing Black Materia. They are... Yuffie, Gau, and Locke!" 

The room erupted. Much cursing and violence occured until Headmaster Cid gained control, "Okay," he said, "I'm the judge here. We need some people, or creatures, for the jury. Let's see, twelve things... Strago, Cyan, Squall, Cloud, Sabin, Vincent, Shadow, Umaro, Selphie, Zell, Gogo, and Mog will take care of that." 

"HEY! Wait a sec!" Selphie yelled, "I'm the only girl on the jury!" 

Sabin frowned, "Only Celes and Terra are still here. Edgar took the rest to the movies." 

"Oh," Selphie sighed, "I guess he doesn't like me." 

"Good job, Selphie," Headmaster Cid began, "Terra will take Shadow's place." 

"Okay people!" Yuffie screamed at the top of her lungs, "Don't you realize the materia is mine, not Sephiroth's? I'm the one who made it. Sephiroth is the one trying to steal it from me!" 

"Pish-posh!" said Kefka and Squall in unision. They both often said completely stupid things. 

Seifer smiled a crooked smile. He had previously not been in the story because he was just now being remembered to exist, "Sephiroth, Setzer, Kefka... ultimate... Ha ha ha. I am better then all of them put together!' 

"Geez... We need a four-sided coin now," Sephiroth said. 

"Do you even have a brain you... you, weasel!!" Cloud asked angrily. 

"Why yes, Mr. I Am Afraid To Curse, @&$%!!" Sephiroth replied nicely, "Oh, and Cloud, make sure to equip that revive materia. When I accidently kill someone you can help, sucker!" 

Cloud frowned. Sephiroth could really deflate that self-confidence balloon. 

"Can someone just find the damn materia?" Sephiroth asked impatiently, "We don't need a trial." 

Locke put up his hands, "I don't have it, man." 

"Gau like shiny! Me Gau! NO black shiny!" 

Cyan whacked Gau, "Useth your education." 

"Okay, I will," Gau grumbled, "I prefer to talk like that so people will leave me alone." 

"It works very well," Irvine said, nodding. 

Yuffie giggled, "I don't have it!" 

"Someone frisk her!" Sephiroth ordered. 

Irvine frisked Yuffie, "Hey! Watch it there!" Yuffie yelled. 

"Sorry. You're quite a bit more buxom than I thought. Oh, um, she doesn't have it." 

"Irvy!!" Selphie screeched. 

"Grow up a little, Selphie!" Irvine shot back, "I do have other love intrests." 

"You're the one who thrives on childhood memories anyway, cowboy!" Selphie screamed. 

Irvine drew his gun, but before he did anything, Edgar appeared with his chainsaw, "I thought you were at the movies!" Irvine's eyes were wide with surprise. 

Edgar shook his finger, "You fought a hour and a half during the trial. By the way, you should never harm a lady!" 

Irvine returned his gun to it's holster and said, "Right, Eddy." 

"Don't call me that," Edgar snapped, "It's King Edgar to you." 

Sephiroth was growing antsy... and bored, "Materia... How I love thee..." 

Irvine looked at Selphie and began, "Sephy, I'm sorry. I just... I just don't know. 

Sephiroth's attention turned to Irvine, "Irvine, don't you realize that when you say Sephy, you could be reffering to several people. Seifer, Sephiroth, Selphie... They all sound similiar." 

"Thanks for the advice, man," Irvine patted Sephiroth on the back. 

"Don't touch." 

"I hope you get that materia," Irvine smiled warmly. 

Sephiroth sighed. He still had to settle the fact that he was ultimate. 

"Mr. Sephiroth!" Relm called out, "Watch!" Relm pulled out one of her paintbrushes and painted a Magic Eightball. She handed it to Sephiroth. 

"Thanks," he said dryly. 

Sephiroth walked over to Seifer, Setzer, and Kefka. He lifted the Magic Eightball over his head and said, "Behold!" 

The three gasped at the sight of such a mighty device. 

"It'll decide Setzer said in awe. The others nodded in agreement. 

"Wow... I never thought I'd actually get to see an Eightball, especially a magic one, in real life," Seifer said in pure and utter amazement. 

"Me niether..." Kefka agreed. 

"You are both idiots. Go to any toy store on the planet and you can find one of these," Setzer remembered. 

"Oh..." Seifer and Kefka were very disapointed. 

Suddenly, Tifa swung in the room on a rope, "Huh?" said Sephiroth, "What are you doing over here?" 

Tifa smiled and pulled on her gloves, "Take this freakazoid!" 

Tifa beat Sephiroth into the ground. She repeated the action on Setzer, Seifer, and Kefka. 

"If only Final Fantasy was this easy in real life..." she sighed. 

"Anyone else wanna claim to be ultimate?" Tifa yelled. 

There was dead silence. 

Edgar snickered, "They all got killed by a woman..." 

Tifa got ready to attack, "You have a problem with that?" she demanded. 

Edgar frowned and backed away, "Not at all. It is just kinda humorous..." he said gently. 

"Humorous? You want to see humorous?" Tifa was scaring everyone. That included Cloud. 

"Hey, uh, Tifa..." Cloud mumbled, "You wanna, stop, harassing people... Awww... If only Sephiroth was here... I have my revive equiped..." 

"Anything for you, Cloud!" Tifa was back to her usually self. She just needed her ruler/love to tell her to stop and she would. 

"Doesn't everyone know that the girls of Final Fantasy are ultimate?" Tifa smiled and pulled off her gloves. Locke grabbed them and locked them in a safe that only he could open... 

-- The End -- There are 3 different ending options at my website. check it out. 


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